just me in this space....

shawna is xiaohui, xiaox2, ah fei, nana, na. now i know tat Jesus has always been with me.. this is for You.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

Flashback - An attempt to push the Buddha back in 2001

yah.. i know it totally is sooo weird by just reading the title.. but here's my explanation.. back then.. no one understood.. not even my bf at that time.. cos i know they were laughing at me.. haha..

u noe how creepy bugis village is with that idol.. all the spiritual stuff.. yah.. thank God i never experience anything but i know Angie did.. and some of the pple who works at Insomnia cafe.. i hated idols.. idols that take pple's focus away from Jesus.. of cos the buddha that is the physical idol there... why why why.. do pple worship something that cannot love them unconditionally.. that cannot speak to them.. that cannot give you hopes and promises of a future..
so on my 20th birthday.. my ex secretly invited all my friends at that time to celebrate my bday! wow.. how sweet can he can.. and the usual.. getting drunk and stuff.. for me.. i've never puked.. jus really in a very drunk state.. but yet i was at the point of letting go my control of thoughts.. i know what i was doing.. sigh.. attention seeking? perhaps.. why is it that a supposedly happy moment.. but yet.. i felt lost.. that something is still missing in life.. i broke down.. and cried hard.. then the next thing i knew.. i was sobbing and crying out to pple i cared for.. pple i wish to reach out to.. cos everyone around me was just so broken.. .. i myself was broken too...
i pushed the buddha so hard.. but of cos.. nothing happened to it.. only God can break it.. only God can transform hearts..
Thinking back.. pushing the buddha.. was a very selfish thing to do? perhaps not sensitive to the society? thank God it was like 2am in the morning so nobody saw.. the rest were too drunk to care..
God if you hate idols.. i wanna hate them too..
what are your idols in your life today... ? money? car? handphone? gadgets or toys? technology? work? pple? sex? relationships? be it materialistic.. or emotional..
back then.. i think its jus dumb what i did.. jus dumb
i wanted to be different all my life... but i don't dare.. unless i'm firmly secured in you Jesus...

oh btw.. i found something else sweeter in life.. when pple who love God shows that they love you.. cos my sisters and brothers in christ celebrated my bday..
even more meaningful than what he did.. somehow its jus different with God's love..

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